Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Move over Santa..here comes Daddy Warbucks!





NEW YORK, Nov 20 (Reuters Life!) - Move over Santa. The red-clad philanthropist has lost the top slot on Forbes magazines' list of the 15 richest fictional characters to defense contractor Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks.
Warbucks, a lieutenant general in the comic strip Little Orphan Annie, unseats Santa from the top position for the first time with an estimated net worth of $36.2 billion with the conflict in Iraq boosting his fortune.
"We still estimate Claus' net worth as infinite, but we excluded him from this year's rankings after being bombarded by letters from outraged children insisting that Claus is 'real'," according to a statement from Forbes.com.
Forbes.com said it took into account "the physical evidence - toys delivered, milk and cookies devoured" in removing him from consideration.
Other drop-offs include Ebenezer Scrooge, who gave much of his fortune to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation; Superman nemesis Lex Luther, who blew billions trying to take over the world; and Cruella De Vil as demand for fur coats plummeted.
The new annual list with an aggregate fictional net worth of $111 billion includes Mr. Monopoly, spam entrepreneur Prince Abakaliki of Nigeria, and videogame plumber Mario.
Second place goes to Charles Montgomery Burns, owner of the Springfield nuclear power plant in the cartoon TV show "The Simpsons" worth an estimated $16.8 billion after announcing a "technology exchange" with North Korean leader Kim Jong II.
Scrooge McDuck came in third with an estimated $10.9 billion from mining and treasure hunting as gold prices soared.
How did Forbes calculate their worth? When possible on known commodity and share price movements or by comparing private businesses to comparable fictional public companies plus a "tiny grain of common sense and a large dose of salt."

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Quote of the Day!


Some people are like slinkies, they don't really have a purpose. But, they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Lizards, Spiders, Frogs, OH MY!!!


Ok, if you live or ever have lived in Florida you know that there are lots of creepy critters down here. And let me tell you, they are 10 times bigger down here then any of the critters up north. This past Saturday I got my fair share of Florida wildlife all in a matter of a couple of hours. I am a BIG chicken shit when it comes to creepy crawly things, i.e. mice, spiders, bugs, etc. Julio, my cat, decides it would be great to bring a lizard into our house. Now, I have somewhat become accustomed to the lizards down here, you have too, they are EVERYWHERE, but I still don't want one in my house. Especially since he didn't kill it first just caught it and LET IT GO inside the house. He eventually caught it again and played with it for a while and then took it off somewhere and I have yet to find it but I assume it is dead now. Then I left, with my family to go to Home Depot, we come back home and as I make an extra trip back out to the car to bring in my bags, a freakin' wolf spider JUMPS off of the house onto my arm and then I fling him onto the ground. Yes, they jump, and they are HUGE, and I swear I think he hissed my name. As if that is not bad enough, I already had to pee extremely bad. I get my bags, drop them inside the door and run back to use the bathroom. I rush in, don't bother to shut the door and proceed to pee. Now, as soon as I stand up I look down and what do I see - EYEBALLS staring back up at me from inside the toliet. A freakin' sewer frog was in my toliet and I had just pissed on his head. I then run screaming through my house with my pants down around my ankles as my husband and kids laugh their asses off at me. *sigh* I am so ready to move back to Indiana.

For those of you that don't live in Florida or anywhere where this occurs, sewer frogs actually come up out of the sewer and get into your house via the toliet. This is only the second time this has happened at our house since we have lived there (almost 4 years.) They are ugly ugly ugly creatures too. They are really pale green, almost white, I guess due to the fact that they don't eat plants and are not in the sunlight. Plus, they get pretty big, this one was definitly not tiny by any means.

Mean People Suck (That should be a bumper sticker. :P )


I have determined there are some people who cannot make happiness on their own. Therefore, they try to tap every ounce of happiness out of others to make themselves feel better. They can't truly be happy can they? They are just like leeches.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

More Reasons to Vote - Keith Olbermann, MSNBC


We are, as every generation, inseparable from our own time.Thus is our perspective, inevitably that of the explorer looking into the wrong end of the telescope.But even accounting for our myopia, it's hard to imagine there have been many elections more important than this one, certainly not in non-presidential years.And so we look at the verdict in the trial of Saddam Hussein yesterday, and, with the very phrase "October, or November, Surprise" now a part of our vernacular, and the chest-thumping coming from so many of the Republican campaigners today, each of us must wonder about the convenience of the timing of his conviction and sentencing.But let us give history and coincidence the benefit of the doubt—let's say it's just "happened" that way—and for a moment not look into the wrong end of the telescope. Let's perceive instead the bigger picture:Saddam Hussein, found guilty in an Iraqi court.Who can argue against that?He is officially, what the world always knew he was: a war criminal.Mr. Bush, was this imprimatur, worth the cost of 2,832 American lives, and thousands more American lives yet to be lost?Is the conviction of Saddam Hussein the reason you went to war in Iraq?Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the weapons of mass destruction that did not exist?Or did you go to war in Iraq because of the connection between Iraq and al-Qaida that did not exist?Or did you go to war in Iraq to break the bonds of tyranny there, while installing the mechanisms of tyranny here?Or did you go to war in Iraq because you felt the need to wreak vengeance against somebody, anybody?Or did you go to war in Iraq to contain a rogue state which, months earlier, your own administration had declared had been fully contained by sanctions?Or did you go to war in Iraq to keep gas prices down?How startling it was, sir, to hear you introduce oil to your stump speeches over the weekend.Not four years removed from the most dismissive, the most condescending, the most ridiculing denials of the very hint at, as Mr. Rumsfeld put it, this "nonsense."There you were, campaigning in Colorado, in Nebraska, in Florida, in Kansas -- suddenly turning this 'unpatriotic idea' into a platform plank."You can imagine a world in which these extremists and radicals got control of energy resources," you told us. "And then you can imagine them saying, 'We're going to pull a bunch of oil off the market to run your price of oil up unless you do the following.'"Having frightened us, having bullied us, having lied to us, having ignored and rewritten the Constitution under our noses, having stayed the course, having denied you've stayed the course, having belittled us about "timelines" but instead extolled "benchmarks," you've now resorted, sir, to this?We must stay in Iraq to save the $2 gallon of gas?Mr. President, there is no other conclusion we can draw as we go to the polls tomorrow.Sir, you have been making this up as you went along.This country was founded to prevent anybody from making it up as they went along.Those vaunted Founding Fathers of ours have been so quoted up, that they appear as marble statues: like the chiseled guards of China, or the faces on Mount Rushmore. But in fact they were practical people and the thing they obviously feared most was a government of men and not laws.They provided the checks and balances for a reason.No one man could run the government the way he saw fit -- unless he, at the least, took into consideration what those he governed saw.A House of Representatives would be the people's eyes.A Senate would be the corrective force on that House.An executive would do the work, and hold the Constitution to his chest like his child.A Supreme Court would oversee it all.Checks and balances.Where did that go, Mr. Bush?And what price did we pay because we have let it go?Saddam Hussein will get out of Iraq the same way 2,832 Americans have and thousands more. He'll get out faster than we will. And if nothing changes tomorrow, you, sir, will be out of the White House long before the rest of us can say we are out of Iraq.And whose fault is this?Not truly yours. You took advantage of those of us who were afraid, and those of us who believed unity and nation took precedence over all else.But we let you take that advantage.And so we let you go to war in Iraq to oust Saddam or find non-existant weapons or avenge 9/11 or fight terrorists who only got there after we did or as cover to change the fabric of our Constitution or for lower prices at The Texaco or…? There are still a few hours left before the polls open, sir. There are many rationalizations still untried.And whatever your motives of the moment, we the people have, in true good faith and with the genuine patriotism of self-sacrifice (of which you have shown you know nothing), we have let you go on making it up as you went along.Unchecked and unbalanced.Vote.--Keith Olbermann, MSNBCNovember 6, 2006

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Bathroom Humor = Alway Funny (not written by me but I thought it great)


When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it is your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.

Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented my someones mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn't.

So, you carefully, but quickly, drape your purse around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!,) yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

I this position, your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the EMPTY toilet paper dispenser.

In your mind, you can hear your mom's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have known there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse.

That would have to do.

You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

"OCCUPIED!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide directly down on the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it is too late.

Your bare bottom had made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, "Frankly dear, you just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At that point, you give up. You are soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're exhausted.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

Now, you can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.

(Where was that when you NEEDED it???) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it into the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

AAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


This finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.

Peace


"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."--War veteran and patriot, John Kerry

Although the statement was supposed to be refering to Pres. Bush himself, he screwed up the joke and inadvertently slammed military men and woman. Sen. John Kerry was actually 100% correct when he stated that if you do not get an education you could end up serving in Iraq. The truth of the matter is that the middle and lower classes in this country make up a disproportionate share of those serving in the military.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15519404/

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Cara....COME ON DOWN!

Well, I have been online trying to get tickets to the Price is Right. But of course, their server is down. I called the ticket office and she said it should be back up later today or tomorrow. (No, you can't actually get tickets by calling the ticket office - that would be too easy.) Brian warned me before I saw the news this morning that I would be very sad. I shed a few tears as I heard the news lady say that Bob will be retiring come June. Anyone who knows me well, knows of my life long dream to be on the Price is Right. It is genetic. I grew up watching TPIR with my mammaw and my mother and my sister. I have to go in celebration of my mom! At first I thought - there is no way I am ever going to get to see Bob now. But then I realized, if you want to actually reach any of the goals you set for yourself in life you need to just go for it. Granted this is not any life-saving, earth-shattering goal but it is still an important one for me. Although at first glance the timing seemed bad, I realized it could be just right. Money is always what has stood in my way of getting to Califonia, but with Christmas right around the corner I have decided if I ask everyone in my family that normally gets me gifts to just contribute to the "Cara, Come on Down" fund I could have my tickets to California. Wish me luck! I could be the next contestant on the PRICE IS RIGHT!